Victims or survivors of intimate partner abuse will talk about that abuse only when they are ready, Bride adds. Instead, she recommends asking more behavior-specific questions: Has your partner ever called you names?
Who makes the decisions in the relationship? Does your partner check up on you? Have you ever been injured in a fight with your partner? Counselors can also help clients learn coping mechanisms to deal with co-parenting children with an abusive ex-spouse or returning to the dating scene after an abusive relationship.
Also touch base and network with other professionals in your community, such as law enforcement personnel and social workers, who have frequent contact with victims of abuse. Counselors should also learn the basics regarding how a client would file a police report or restraining order. Journaling can be another useful therapy tool, she says, as can trauma-focused approaches such as developing coping resources, dealing with stress, goal-setting, relaxation, self-reflection and self-care.
Ask them to describe what they think a healthy relationship looks like. Ballantyne advises developing strategies to help these clients regulate their feelings, such as learning coping skills that will aid them in calming down and working through their sadness, anger or anxiety in a positive way. There is added stigma in abusive situations that involve people with disabilities, same-sex couples and members of minority cultures, she adds. When it comes to abuse, it is important that counselors step outside of their typical frame of reference and drop all assumptions, she says.
Factor in trauma: It is unethical and inaccurate to diagnose clients without factoring in their abuse histories, Crowe asserts. Counselors should not label clients as having certain problems without first working through their experiences with abuse, she says.
In cases of abuse, Ballantyne advocates for treating the family as a whole when possible. He says this allows counselors and other helping professionals to focus on relationship patterns and behaviors and to begin addressing these problem areas more effectively. Although he says the parents and children should also have individual counseling sessions, he believes that family therapy can be a major source of healing and insight. Ballantyne begins by assessing the full history of each parent, from legal problems to addiction and mental health histories, to fully understand what they have struggled with and been treated for.
He works to return the couple and, ultimately, the family, to a place of stability. Ballantyne recommends that his clients take classes on parenting, conflict resolution, anger management, communication skills, setting boundaries and recognizing abusive behaviors. After working with the entire family, a child that has been in a foster care situation can sometimes return home, Ballantyne says. Working with perpetrators of intimate partner violence can be controversial territory, and it brings its own set of challenges.
Crowe and Murray recommend that counselors who are not trained specifically to work with domestic violence perpetrators refer those clients to a specialized treatment program. Bride ran a program for male batterers that was the first of its kind in her area of New Jersey. The group contained both self-referred members and court-referred participants.
Getting the men to take full responsibility for the abuse they had inflicted was paramount. Each week, the group leaders, who were specially trained counselors, would ask each participant why he was there.
Even so, she says it took six months — the full length of the program — before some participants could acknowledge the worst of their behavior. And some of them made it. Another technique Bride used was to have group members write letters to the person they had abused, acknowledging their behavior and that it was hurtful. The letters were never sent but rather read aloud in group as an exercise, with members giving each other input. Safety planning and self-care are also important to work on with perpetrators of abuse, Bride says.
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